Evoking Childhood

Artist's Statement:

One of the first things that I did when I received this first assignment was go to my old family videos. I wasn’t sure exactly what kind of story I wanted to tell. But as I watched the old videos I stared feeling some very specific things. Although at first I felt that they were unrelated and distracting me, I soon had to start keeping a journal of what I was feeling. What I found was that there were some consistent themes that could be helpful in trying to tell an honest story. I found that as I watched these films, I looked at my past self and felt guilty. In these videos, I was a cute and innocent three year old, and all I could think of was how I felt that I had betrayed myself and my family by making all the mistakes I have in the twenty years since.

            However, I felt that intellectually I knew better than that. So I went to the scriptures and prayed and had a really interesting experience. I felt prompted that I could take the time to learn from my past and that while I won’t get my innocence back, that’s kind of the point of this life. We’re supposed to come here, make a bunch of mistakes, and then learn how to do things better. To go back to my innocent self would be to cheat myself of the growing experiences on earth. So I need no longer fear “the grinder” or the personal hell I choose to inflict upon myself. That’s inside of me. I can choose to be better and follow the plan of growth that I feel like God has for me.

            As far as some of the technical decisions that would help me tell this story, I was fortunate enough to spend the weekend with my family at a wedding. I interviewed my brother and sister about the bedtime stories that we would tell each other and tried to gather as many details as possible. Meanwhile, I recalled some specific things like VCR tracking, types of fonts, and the 4:3 aspect ratio that would help be a physical representation of the aesthetics of my childhood. I tried to reflect the types of comedies my siblings and I would watch as well as what kind of film we might make if we were kids again.

            I wish I had more time to focus on little details that would perfect it, but I certainly had a great time making this film with my siblings, and I really felt like for a moment we had as much fun as we did back then, but with new perspective and experience granted to us as we now navigate our adult lives.